I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize