I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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