i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
