No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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