Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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