Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
