And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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