You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
