Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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