Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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