Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
