I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Everything about him screamed your future.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
