We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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