dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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