I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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