the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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