After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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