I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
