i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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