I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
