Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
