i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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