We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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