My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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