One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize