just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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