john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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