I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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