Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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