the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
