When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
