Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize