Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
