The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
