And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
