No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
