im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
