I am spending my child support on dildos
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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