Kiss
Puke
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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