she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
