I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
