Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
