I have demons in me.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
