Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
His nipple licking is glorious
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