You're earring is so big in my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
