Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
