I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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