im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
