I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
