Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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