the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
