It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
