But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize