I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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