trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
