i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
