dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
