I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
