When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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