Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
