We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I could make wine with my vomit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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