I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
