I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
