My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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