oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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