In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
