If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
