Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
