Porn is love you can see.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
