apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
