I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
