I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
