my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
