If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
