Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
